Finally got around to watching Franco make out with Sean Penn for two hours. Awesome. He cooks for me too, only it's usually nudie cooking >:D
Hi MBP, how are you?
I don't want to step on anybody's toes and I truly hope that this doesn't come off as pretentious or self-involved. If it does, my sincerest apologies.
I just wanted to say thank you for the Craig Kilborn MBP Award. It was really, really a cool thing for me when I found out I'd won and it truly means a lot. I know that sometimes people talk badly about Must Be Pop, but during my time here I met some of the coolest, funniest, most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure of interacting with. You guys made my time here so much fun and such a memorable, memorable experience. Never did I come across someone who wasn't friendly and willing to chat or joke or exchange comments. To those of you who have kept this journal friended, thank you, it means so much for me to be able to come steal a peek into your lives every now and then. It means the world to me to know that I made even a fraction of the impact here that all of you made for me. Most sincerely, my thanks to all of you.
I wanted to extend my appreciation and my gratitude to Justin and Marla for all of your support, and also for being consistently amazing since I've known you. To JC, Lance, and John, for being absolutely incredible people and even more incredible friends both here and [here], and *NSYNC players past and present for always being so cool to me. Michelle, Sanoe, Ashley, and Christina for always making me laugh so hard my sides hurt and for being outstanding -- you'll always be my girls. This is where I say hi to Tom Welling, try and convince Eminem to move his tent back into my living room, make a poster with glitter for Jesse McCartney, keyboard mash with Dan Estrin, check up on Matt Nathanson's lemur, dreamysigh at Howie Day, get "drink" with the Backstreet Boys and exchange insults with Britney Spears because that's how we show our love. Special thanks to Jake Gyllenhaal for wearing a sarong in remembrance during the awards ceremony, because that was pretty freaking amazing.
All of you here at MBP are incredible. I miss you guys. Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Happy birthday Canada.
I know the last thing anyone wants is an annoying meme that spreads like wildfire on their friends-page, but indulge me anyway? :-[
Reply to this post. In this reply, ask me any number of questions. Any number, as awkward or embarrassing as you like, absolutely anything at all. I promise to answer every question in complete honesty (or as honest as I feel necessary). Anything you want to know about me, and all you have to do is ask it.
Whenever I'm cleaning up my friends list there are always a handful of names, journals of those who are no longer here, that I pass untouched. I pause, reminisce, and move on. These are the names of people that I've befriended, of those that have befriended me. People who made an impression or impact on my time here, however great or small. People I want to remember. Sometimes I sit and I think about these people, these friends, and I realize that I keep them there because of some inability inside of me to let them go, to let go of the past. To me, as long as those names are there, I can't lose those ties that I had to those people. They're still a part of me, even if that part is only a tiny blue arrow.
Sometimes I think that there's an entire world between the person I think I am and who I've become. I once wanted to gather a handful of random appearances I'd made and watch them one after the other, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I knew that each appearance would show a radical difference, however small, in my personality from the one before it. Whether I play it cool or ham it up, I'm always catering to an audience. But it's not just a television audience or to people at home or a sold-out crowd. Isn't life kind of like that? Doesn't everyone sort of fit a certain image for each situation that presents itself? If I take a good look at my life, I could never be more content with every person and every thing that I surround myself with. But looking at myself, I'm not always satisfied with me. Isn't it strange how that works? I'm constantly reaching for an ideal self that I'm never going to achieve. I expect more of myself than I'll ever expect of anyone else and I'm constantly frustrated by my own inability to be both everything that I want to be and to realize that I can't realistically be those things, my own personal ideals of perfection.
I've been skydiving only once in my life. It was an exhilarating and exciting and new experience. It was me against the world and I felt like, in that single moment between solidity beneath my feet and free falling, I could conquer anything. Wade made that jump with me, the first of many we'd make together, and we felt invincible. Untouchable. Nothing was greater than us and the ways that we loved each other. We were young and fresh faced and innocent and rushed, hurried like time was at our heels waiting to swallow us whole. There was an underlying drive beneath our infatuated euphoria to take things in leaps and bounds instead of reasonable steps. I was in over my head long before I recognized it and when I did there wasn't time to take a step back. We'd burned up all of our time and it was all or nothing for the rest of our lives. I've been married once before and I hope to be married again. Someday. I rushed into almost every aspect of my last relationship, and that doesn't mean that I never loved Wade or that what we had doesn't matter. If anything, my time with Wade taught me that love is not a race against time. My future is James and I don't want it to be anywhere or anyone else. He and I will get married someday and have our electric masquerading as white picket fence and horde of Cambodian children named after Jewish holidays. Someday. We aren't in a hurry. I'm happier than I think I've ever been and that's more than enough for me.
Not quite a John Rzeznik Update (tm), but not all of us can be as cool as that ;)
Hey it's Justin WORD. Looks like it's time to update the journal again OLD SCHOOL. Well, let me tell you how my life's been lately CRUNK. I've mostly been slumming in LA because of my surgery and because some of my favorite people live here WORD. I spent part of last weekend with Lance and John, and we all got pretty trashed playing the On the Line drinking game OLD SCHOOL. Challenge for the Children is coming up, but I'm not sure if I'm going or not because I am a hotshot solo artist who hates everyone in my group and likes the idea of making them all wait around for me in case I ever stoop so low as to be in Nsync again CRUNK. Of course, they all wanted to go on without me, except for one of them who refused to be in the group unless I was there with them WORD. I bet it was Lance who held out, and probably only because now he doesn't have to work, he just gets to go to parties and watch people open envelopes OLD SCHOOL. James and I just had our nine month anniversary on Wednesday and we celebrated by getting married at a drive-through chapel in Vegas CRUNK. Just kidding, but we get a head start on the consummation part of things, if you get what I'm saying WORD. And now I'm in the UK, and I'm going to have some crumpets and tea and just kick it with my boyfriend OLD SCHOOL, so stay CRUNK, and spread the WORD, that this is Timberlake Out!
harajuku justin: I like the Simpsons theme!
LJ John Rzeznik: LMAO
I haven't been able to access the LJ monster for a few days and I have a belated birthday wish to make. Last fall I met one of the greatest friends I've ever had. She's smart and funny and a good listener and she can always make me smile, no matter what kind of mood I'm in. We connect like we've been friends for years and it still amazes me even now how we both know exactly how the other is feeling. I can relate to her in ways I've never been able to with anyone else before. She's an incredible person. She's kind and hilarious and understanding and just all-around wonderful. She's my surfing partner and when we can, we take walks in the mornings with our pigs while we feed them oranges and I don't have a better way to start my day than that. I'm lucky to know her and have her in my life, and I always will be. Happy belated birthday, Sanoe. I love you and I hope your day was everything that you deserve and then some.
Since I've been back in LA I've gone to visit James in the UK twice. Just recently I met up with him in Cannes and I got to meet the cast of his movie, all of whom were wonderfully fun and very kind. It makes me smile to see how much James is enjoying himself with this project. We met up with Natalie Portman and I really hope that she let me rub her head. I'm back in LA again and spending time with my Marla, which is always wonderful. We're going to go see Star Wars and dress up. I told her that if I wasn't with James, C3PO would most definitely be my boyfriend. We'll probably see if Dan wants to come along, since I think I waited in line with him for the midnight show on Wednesday while we dressed up as Jedi and played with lightsabers.
Somewhere in all of this wonderful madness of life I had surgery on my throat. Nothing huge, I had some nodules removed, but as a result, any work on my album I was hoping to get done has been pushed back at least a couple of months. There's been some slight drama in the immediate *NSYNC family, but I'm sort of used to playing the role of the bad guy. That isn't meant to sound bitter or spiteful, I understand the how and the why of my role in the uncertainty of *NSYNC's future. I also don't begrudge a mother the right to feel defensive and sad for her son. I do feel selfish sometimes for not so easily being able to make the decision between further pursuing my own endeavors or going back to the group. We have CFTC this summer, but the past couple of years it's felt more bittersweet than anything else, and even though the guys are continually the great friends that they've always been, I still feel slightly out of place. I can usually shake that, though, and they always know how to put me back in my place, so I'm fairly certain this year wont be any different.
James and I have almost reached our nine month anniversary. Yes, I am still counting. I'm in love and I'm smiling and I'm happy and I wouldn't have it any other way.